Mom Unplugged

Stay Connected

Aug 30, 2008 Authentic Words

Stay Connected,
I do try,
Yet it proves a task difficult;
even for the most disciplined child.

The demands of the day,
The time it takes to work;
And, yes, even play;
makes coming to You a pretty hard things to do.

Ahh but the importance
of Plugging in,
Is so hard to ignore,
Because Your presence
Surrounds me
And my spirit says
“He is here”.

Reminding me that
obeying,
following,
doing,
praising,
worshiping,
Is impossible to do;
If My Mind,
My Spirit,
My Body,
Does not Connect to You.

Copyright 2008 LaTara Ham-Ying

The Dangers of Politics

Aug 28, 2008 Say What

Today was historic day. Whether you are Democrat or Republican, left, right or somewhere in between the fact that an African American man received the Democratic Nomination for President is HUGE!

As an African American woman I am elated at the prospect of Barack being President. There was at time when, sadly, this would not be. My mother, father, grandparents, and ancestors could not vote but they could clean toilets and pick cotton. Often degraded and called names that were simply asinine and not at all godly, as this country claimed to stand on -you know “In God We Trust”- African Americans endured the atrocity of slavery that went beyond the Emancipation Proclamation. Our promise of Freedom was short lived. Even today we fight a fight that just should not be.

Deny if you will but I live it everyday of my life.

Today I visited a blogs talking about the political issues and with today’s results there was a lot of talk. As I visited my heart broke. I began to see the dangers of politics.

Politics can bring out the worse in people and what I saw today was proof positive. You know being grown means being responsible and I saw a lot of adults today who were more than irresponsible in their response, be it for, against, or indifferent. Even most of the politicians are being irresponsible in their approach.

The Democrats want to unite, the Republicans want to unite but each for their own cause. What if we all united for hunger, poverty, homelessness and forgot the donkey and elephant? What if we said that no matter who the man is that is running for President we will not fall into the trap of degradation, dehumanization and silly mud slinging for the sake of “our party”?

What if?

The Dangers of politics is that it does more than cause disagreement. It causes hatred, discord, and actions that can sometimes lead to death. I ask where is the responsibility in this?

I am not ashamed to say that I am voting for Barack. Not because he is African American but because I understand where he is coming from and I agree more with him than McCain on the issues. However you will not hear me talk about McCain or demean his status as a human. To do that is to unfairly judge what I do not know, and even if I did, it then becomes gossip and slander.

Are you living on the side of the dangers of politics?

Fill My Cup Even More

Aug 23, 2008 Authentic Words

Fill my cup Lord

I lift it up to you

It’s empty Father

Void

Of what I need from You

To be

Sustained

Nourished by only You

Come and quench

This thirsting in my soul

Longing

Needing

Reaching

Out to You

Keep me

Comfort me

Provide me with

Manna

Pure food for my

Often malnourished

Wounded spirit

Bread from heaven

Feed me

Give this Child what she so

Desperately needs

Love

Peace

A sense of being

An ability to trust

When it has been broken

Time

And Time again

Lord,

This is what I ask

Fill It up

‘Til I want no more

And my broken contrite spirit

Has been made

Whole

Copyright 2008 LaTara Ham-Ying

One of My New Toys

Aug 22, 2008 Just For Fun

I am on a mission to do the things that LaTara enjoys doing. If you read my post Nurture You, you will know that I allowed myself to become everything to my husband and kids and very little to myself.

So this was my year to regain LaTara and start doing things that she enjoys doing. A few of the things that i enjoy doing are:

• Reading good books
• Singing - I was in the choir for over 10 years and loved the training and challenge of singing gospel
• Listening to music
• Writing for enjoyment.
• Listening to a good podcast
• Drinking my green smoothies
• Taking nice long bath and even napping while soaking
• Crocheting
• Being home alone
• Going to natural health and living events
• Eating out and taking in a moving by myself
• Playing Mah Jong
• Dancing
• Hanging out with my girls in LA. I am going there for my 40th birthday - ALONE!
• Taking Brehane to hang out for the day
• Laughing with my husband

As you can see most of the things that I enjoy are quite simple. I am not an extravagant.

Just about everything I enjoy doing allows me to listen to music, an audio book, or podcast and I recently received a cool new toy that I won from Kelly McCausey over at Moms Talk Radio. A While back I won an 8 gig Pink Nano Ipod and after a few mishaps and slow delivery, I finally got my new toy.

Now I can enjoy a few of my favorite things while I listen to a few more of my favorite things.

What are some of your favorite toys and things to do?

Nuture You

Aug 22, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

You know as moms and women we neglect ourselves continually. We allow everything and everyone to come before us all the time. Is this the right thing to do? In some instances I say ‘yes’ and in others I say ‘no’.

I think that the goal of any believer is to be available for the work of God and to serve others as He sees fit. We are to strive to become less selfish beings and open ourselves up to the needs of others. I think as moms we have this down pack but as women we are so living as doormats.

Women tend to have a naturally nurturing spirit and we are more apt to step up to the need of another, especially when we become moms. We will be there when they are sick, when they need to be cleaned, when they fall and hurt themselves, when they need, need, and need some more. We become everything to our chidren and, if married, husbands as well.

But what have we become to ourselves? What do we do to enjoy who we are? And we are more than wife and mom -please don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise. We are more than what occurs in the home.

At the beginning of this year I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown and had to seek some assistance to get my mind back on track. You see 5 years of being everything to my family and nothing to myself drove me to a  place that I never thought I would go again. I nurtured everyone else and not myself causing days of sleeplessness, dread, fear, anxiety, insecurity; all leading me to typical and detrimental self-sabotage.

I missed the mark of being the woman God created me to be.

After talking, sharing, praying, crying, and yes, even yelling at God I reached quite a few conclusions:

• LaTara needs time for LaTara. Even Jesus retreated to rejuvenate and spend quality time with his Father.
• A wife’s duty is not to wrap herself in her man. When God told Eve in Genesis 3:16  “Yet your desire and craving will be for your husband, and he will rule over you,” that was not a commandment He was handing down. It was a part of the curse for the sin committed. Oh boy did my eyes open on that one. I am not saying that the man is not the head of the home because that is his role in the family and I am not negating “submission” but that too has been so misconstrued over time.  But I will cover this one more deeply in another post because this is not the purpose for this post.
• Women have to take time for themselves and it is not selfish to do; nor does it mean you love your family any less.
• Your purpose in life is not wrapped up into people. It is wrapped up in God and His desire for your life.
• Men have just as much responsibility for the care of the home as women do. Caring for the home is teamwork, not “woman-work”. I hope I am not making anyone upset but this is what has been revealed to me. I am not being a feminist but a realist.

Now before you go sending me nasty comments about what a terrible wife and mom I am to think of me, let me say that I have shared these same revelations with my man and he agreed wholeheartedly. And after having my breakdown he really worked hard at becoming a part of the team that he had neglected to join from the time we said “I do”.

As women we need time to be who we are. We should not continually lose ourselves in the lives of others, even our husbands and children. That is not what the goal of the Proverb woman was. Don’t believe me, go take a look, and then come back and talk to me.

What I am saying is that it is ok to just be YOU.

It is ok to spend time with friends.

It is ok for your kids and husband to clean up after themselves.

It is ok to eat peanut butter sandwiches for dinner one night as week.

It is ok not to be a door mat. Let me repeat that…

IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE A DOORMAT

It is ok to have a dream that is God revealed and ordained; and it is ok to live that dream

It is ok to say that you are tired or that you don’t feel well.

It is ok to tell your husband that you can’t be his everything.

It is ok to teach your kids to be self-sufficient and to learn to so things for themselves.

IT IS OK!

Think about this way, while you are neglecting you, everyone is being nurtured to become more, to do more. not what happens if, God forbid, your husband died or abandoned you tomorrow. What happens when the kids are grown and out of the house. Who will you be then? What will you do?

Are you prepared for that?

Today and everyday take the time to nuture you!

A Whole New View

Aug 18, 2008 Whatever

I have been wanting to change the look of Mom Unplugged for sometime now. I love browns and earth tone colors but that last theme was just not inviting enough for me. Yesterday I spent the day searching for a theme I liked, uploading, and making some changes so that Mom Unplugged has that “Welcome” look I want it to have.

With my recent changes in life, my view has changed so much and I love where God has me right now. I want everything I do to reflect who I am and to show the awareness of understanding the value of loving yourself and living authentically.

You will notice that this theme is totally different than the last one. I took away the header and replaced it with a more serene one. I love water and everything it represents: cleansing, purification and peace; so I knew I wanted something with water. Now I cannot swim to save my life but I love water…go figure! I wanted to add a bit of nature because nature is so healing.

The grass is representative of life and how we need to be nurtured to grow strong. It is growing in water because water is a natural nurturer and it helps us all to thrive. The pebbles are just pretty and add a certain sort of ambiance to the scene.

This is why I created the header that you see. I am a very simple girl and my life is not all that complicated. So why have a header that is complicated and says way too much. Just keep it simple is my mantra!

I plan on blogging more about how women can live more authentically and have a life that is peaceful. I will be very real as I have been for the last year, so hold tight to your hats and get ready for it real, raw and to the point. In order to reach that level of authenticity that one may want to reach they have to open up that trunk and get out the junk. This will be the approach here are Mom Unplugged: Showing how I have removed and still do remove the junk so that I can live a more authentic life…out of the socket.

You are getting the same package, I am just adding some more stuff to it.

Yes I talk about God and the fact that He is the source of strength and the strength of my life on this blog and will continue to do so. I hope this does not turn you away from what is being said. There is a reason for everything and a reason for everything.

So what do you think of what you see?

Getting It Together

Aug 17, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

A while back I wrote about getting Back to Organization and I have really been accomplishing that. I even have my husband on the bandwagon - well somewhat anyway, but hey sometimes it takes time. What I have been doing to pay attention to how things are unorganized is reading books and articles and asking questions. I am also taking a few mental and physical notes.

Some of the things that I have concluded are:

• I have to be the example to my family and show them that glorifying God includes keeping the home in order and being more organized. I had given up somewhat with Mr Messy in the house. However, I have been pushing him daily to get it together by reminding him that the Word tells us that whatever you do, you are to do it to the glory of God. Talk about conviction
• I am to teach Brehane now the value of clean and organized. He does pretty good with it but misses some point and that is to be expected at 4. So I am to model it for him.
• In order to get my office organized I need my own space because my husband and I understand organization a little differently. That issue will be remedied once we get to GA in a few weeks.
• I can’t get frustrated when they don’t do it as I want. As long as it neat and organized I need to be ok with that. I have to say that to myself about 10 times a day.
• Your style and personality says a lot about how you organize yourself. For example my family is very simple but also a little anal (ok that can be a good thing really it can) in how we do thing so my organization efforts must reflect that. I am very tight on keeping thing in their place and I try to organize my home to reflect that and to make it easy to accomplish.
• An unorganized mess equals an unorganized mind.

Those are a few things that I have concluded but not all. And I am still learning as I go.

With business I am learning to use tools and resources that will help me stay on task, keep up with my to-do list, keep meeting time straight, and be more functional as I work through that day.

Here are some of the things I have been doing:

• I found that the to-do list applications online don’t work for me without writing it down on paper as well. I find that often times I open my email and ignore the ones telling me what I need to do. So I am writing it on paper and keeping it right beside me as I work. I am even reverting to using the whiteboard on my wall to help me stay on task. When it stares you in the face, you just can’t ignore it.
• I add appointments, events, weekly tasks to my Google calendar as soon as they are confirmed. With Google you can print out the day, week, agenda, and month so that helps a lot. I am a very visual person.
• I found a very cool way to Twitter and stay on task with Zenbe. You cna even invite your clients and friends to see your scehdule, documents, etct.
• I am also using a very simple application called CreativePro Office for keeping up with all my clients, sending invoices, keeping time, and more. I am not using it as efficiently as I should be but I will get it all together soon.
• I keep track of all my clients in a notebook. I jot down stuff like their names, phone, likes, dislikes, project possibilities, notes from meets we may have and more. It really helps me to keep up with them. I do the same for an JV (joint venture) projects I have.
• I am creating charts. Charts for goals, blogging, and more. Did I tell you that I am a very visual person.
• I narrowed down my daily work schedule for clients to about 6.5 hours per day. It really helps when accepting clients and assignments or projects. To work on the back end of business and my blogs I have set aside Sundays because my husband is either home or he takes Brehane with him to work. Sure there are days when I work longer or Sundays when the family is out but that is when you learn the value of flexbility.

A little sidenote: I am not an affiliate of any program mentioned here. I just think they are very valuable tools for getting and staying organized.

Now I am still organizing for homeschool but it should be pretty simple because AJ attends the academy now in Oklahoma and Brehane will only be 5 when we get started. Most of my time with him will be creative play and we only homeschool for a few hours per day.

So there you have it. A portion of my journey to getting back to organization. A good book to read about getting and stay organized is Organizing From The Inside Out. It is a great little read and will get your organizing wheels turning.

My husband actually brought it home and I told him that he needed it more than me. But I picked it up because you can never learn too much - well actually I think in some instances you can. I figured that if I read it my husband and I can talk about the ideas in the book and that will help us to communicate better when it come so organization because sometimes I can go on one of “Tara Rants” and that is just not a cool thing to do. To watch me fuss and clean can be hilarious but it wears this woman out.

How are you getting it all together? Do you have any tips for me?

Tags: organization

Driving In My Lane

Aug 11, 2008 Unplugged Moments

This weekend my husband said it. Something that will be etched in my heart forever. What was it you wonder?

He said…

“Give me the information I need to start working with Vegan Family Living so that I can start working on it.”

My heart did a patter and I heard that song in my head, “Someday My Prince Will Come” because my husband looked like a Prince to me who had come to answer my plea and rescue me from the dragon. I was so elated.

You see I had already made the choice to sell Vegan Family Living in September if he did not step up and I had told him so. However my husband normally does not follow through on things that concern helping me with business very often. Not sure what that is about but I don’t sweat it either. So I was not expecting him to actually follow through.

Anyway, I sure do feel good about him taking the reigns. I will help but I am no long responsible for it..YAY!

Some people may say that I am giving up VFL, but I am not. I am simply giving it new direction. A direction that I am no longer in charge of. I did not stop because I wanted to. I stopped working it because I needed to.

I am a woman of God, a wife and mom before I am a business owner. Those three things matter most to me and I will give it all up to maintain those three if God told me to.

My health was starting to suffer again and I had to let something go. My value of my life was being sucked away, so I had to release it. I was suffocating from the toxic fumes a life buried in work can cause, so I had to make some serious decisions.

I am watching God move as I listen. Let me give you an example.

Alexander (AJ) will be starting school tomorrow and between my mom and I we are paying $150 per month towards the $500 tuition. That means $75 for each of us. I know that in order to pay that amount monthly and send him money for lunch and teenager incidentals, I needed to bring in one more retainer client per month. I prayed and told God that He had some work to do.

I got the client this weekend. Coincidence? I think not. I believe that there is a reason for everything and for everything a reason.

I know that if I had not listened when God kept telling me to use my writing to bring in income, I would still be working hard at Vegan Family Living and making pennies. Now don’t get me wrong I am thankful for those few pennies; but you know like I know that a few pennies just does not make it in America.

I had to make some choices when the money well started running dry in our home. We were hurting and my kids were going without.

I came to my senses and said, “Ok something has got to change. LaTara, it is time to come out of this poverty, ‘robbing Paul to pay Peter’ mentality. Girl, you are so much better than this. It is not fair to your husband, the kids or yourself.”

Within a week The Natural Writer was created and I received my first three clients by the end of the week. It took me 6 months to see my first dime with Vegan Family Living. Now, please don’t think I am talking about a “money fast” idea because I am not. However, I have not missed a week of income since starting The Natural Writer and the marketing and planning come so much easier for me.

Driving in my Lane, I have discovered…

• I am sleeping better
• I have more confidence
• I can help my kids
• My husband no longer has to buy groceries or worry about things like clothes, toiletries, and her can focus on rent, utilities and gas
• I am more focused on my health
• I can take time during the day to really focus on my home and family without worrying about what I need to do next
• I can work for 4 to 5 hours per day and make full-time pay.

I have discovered more while driving in my own lane but that is for another time, another day, and another post.

A part of being Authentic is recognizing who you are, what you can do, why, and accepting the answers to those questions. Once you accept the terms you have to sign on the dotted line, get in your car and drive in your own lane.

Are you driving in your own lane or working hard to run everyone else off the road?

Finding Yourself Is An Amazing Feeling

Aug 7, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity, Unplugged Moments

About two weeks ago I wrote a post about an epiphany I had. I realized that I am a point of finding myself and it sure feels great! I am not sure if it is all about being a few months from 40 or if it is just that I am finally hearing what God has been saying to me for years. Whatever it is, it really does feel good to be in this position!

I have listened to this person and that person about who I am and yet I never quite felt comfortable about what they had to say. It was as if something were missing. However, there were times when I listened and found myself in the middle of some situations that I did not want to be in. Now I don’t blame anyone because they were just trying to help and meant well, as we often do when we give advice. However, I should have listened to the voice that was guiding me elsewhere.

I have decided a few things about my life where my family, business, and my ministry is concerned:

• My family is blessed beyond measure and we have to appreciate that daily.
• Brehane is a major focus for me right now and everything I do must reflect that fact.
• If am not satisfied in my personal life, I will not be satisfied in anything I do.
• My business direction is changing and I must accept that and move with it.
• I only play to an Audience of One and it is He who I must seek to glorify
• I don’t have to feel guilty because my business direction is changing. I need to do what is best for my life as it is.
• I have to work smart and not wear myself into the ground. If I am overworking myself I am no good to God or anyone else.
• I must use what I have effectively
• I have to work being married daily because it ain’t no joke.
• My business must surround my personal mission and focus, if it doesn’t then for me it just won’t work.
• I love serving others and helping them to succeed.
• I have a heart for your women and want them to learn to see themselves as God does.
• God has given me the uncanny talent of creative communication. I have to use it and do it well.
• I am tired of spinning my wheels trying to make things work that aren’t. It is time to use the skills and talents i have and create a stream of income that will be beneficial for my family

There are many other resolutions I have reached but I think this is enough to share for because not everything needs to be shared.

I am at a point where I am at peace with the decisions that I have made and I love where I am in life. This has been a long time coming and I have gone from one end of the world to the other (figuratively that is), to discover what in the heck I am supposed to be doing. There is no way I am turning back now and allowing myself to be trapped back into what it not working for me.

Man, I feel so free writing that out. I really do feel so good about me!

How do you feel about YOU?

Repositioning My Thoughts

Aug 6, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

The main concept that I picked up from reading Repositioning Yourself by TD Jakes, is that in order to navigate any part of your life with success, your thoughts must be in alignment with the changes you need to make. If you try to reposition with unhealthy thoughts, you will only be blowing hot air and a bunch of fluff.

Your mind must believe in what you are doing and faith is the catalyst for the belief. Even if it is as small as mustard seed you can move a mountain.

There is not trick to making the paradigm to a new way of thinking. However, you must be aware that renewing your mind is not an easy thing to do; but if you are determined to make the change, you can. No matter how small the steps are that you must take to do so, it can be done.

Some of the negative thoughts in my own mind were:

1. I will never lose the weight
2. I am in debt and will never crawl my way out
3. I want to get out of this hopeless marriage. My husband is just not getting me.
4. I will never profit in my business.
5. I am not a good mom. What mom would send her son to live elsewhere. I should have just left my husband.
6. I never finished college so what will I really amount to?
7. I am so and so years old and this is where my life is…nowhere

Now, that is just not the way that God would have you to think. That train of thought does nothing for abundant living. In fact it goes totally against everything that Jesus taught. You see when I read my Word, I see where it says that I am the head and not the tail and how Jesus came that I might have abundant life. I also see where Paul tells me that God does not give me the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind. Oh yeah, and in Nehemiah, it tells me that I am the apple of God’s eye.

With affirmations like that this is what my thoughts should be:

1. I did not get this way overnight and it will not come off over night. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and God did not make me junk. Yes, I gained some weight and need to lose it but I am the best me I can be at this moment in my life.
2. I am in debt. I need to figure out why and take the steps necessary to get out.
3. I can only work on me. I come with flaws. Who said that my husband would be perfect.  He is the man that God intended for me and I have been more than blessed to have him in my life.
4. If I apply what I know and listen to His leading, I will create an income and my business will thrive.
5. Sending my son to Oklahoma had nothing to do with me. It was his choice and he is doing so well there. He needed to be somewhere where he could fly on wings of his own. I am a good mother because Iistened to God’s leading.
6. Girl, look at what God has given you. You are intelligent, wise, and have the skills, talents and gifts to go far in life.
7. You may have taken some wrong turns in life, but you are striving daily to stay the path He has set for you.

Do you see the difference?

A paradigm shift is an absolute must if you are to live that authentic existence that God intends for you to live. Your thoughts can not dwell on the negative because that will get you no where fast. Instead bask in the fact that God has great things in store for you and let your thoughts rest there.

A side note here is that while you bask on what is good, pure, lovely, and of good report, please do not think I am speaking of any new age philosophy, because I am not. Know that for every level there will be problems - that is a given. However, the best thing to do when issues arise is to reposition yourself to meet the challenges that stand before you.

Keep your head where it belongs and stop that gutter thinking. Reposition your mind and change the direction of your life.

I dare you to take the chance and change the way you think!