Mom Unplugged

Getting It Together

Aug 17, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

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A while back I wrote about getting Back to Organization and I have really been accomplishing that. I even have my husband on the bandwagon - well somewhat anyway, but hey sometimes it takes time. What I have been doing to pay attention to how things are unorganized is reading books and articles and asking questions. I am also taking a few mental and physical notes.

Some of the things that I have concluded are:

• I have to be the example to my family and show them that glorifying God includes keeping the home in order and being more organized. I had given up somewhat with Mr Messy in the house. However, I have been pushing him daily to get it together by reminding him that the Word tells us that whatever you do, you are to do it to the glory of God. Talk about conviction
• I am to teach Brehane now the value of clean and organized. He does pretty good with it but misses some point and that is to be expected at 4. So I am to model it for him.
• In order to get my office organized I need my own space because my husband and I understand organization a little differently. That issue will be remedied once we get to GA in a few weeks.
• I can’t get frustrated when they don’t do it as I want. As long as it neat and organized I need to be ok with that. I have to say that to myself about 10 times a day.
• Your style and personality says a lot about how you organize yourself. For example my family is very simple but also a little anal (ok that can be a good thing really it can) in how we do thing so my organization efforts must reflect that. I am very tight on keeping thing in their place and I try to organize my home to reflect that and to make it easy to accomplish.
• An unorganized mess equals an unorganized mind.

Those are a few things that I have concluded but not all. And I am still learning as I go.

With business I am learning to use tools and resources that will help me stay on task, keep up with my to-do list, keep meeting time straight, and be more functional as I work through that day.

Here are some of the things I have been doing:

• I found that the to-do list applications online don’t work for me without writing it down on paper as well. I find that often times I open my email and ignore the ones telling me what I need to do. So I am writing it on paper and keeping it right beside me as I work. I am even reverting to using the whiteboard on my wall to help me stay on task. When it stares you in the face, you just can’t ignore it.
• I add appointments, events, weekly tasks to my Google calendar as soon as they are confirmed. With Google you can print out the day, week, agenda, and month so that helps a lot. I am a very visual person.
• I found a very cool way to Twitter and stay on task with Zenbe. You cna even invite your clients and friends to see your scehdule, documents, etct.
• I am also using a very simple application called CreativePro Office for keeping up with all my clients, sending invoices, keeping time, and more. I am not using it as efficiently as I should be but I will get it all together soon.
• I keep track of all my clients in a notebook. I jot down stuff like their names, phone, likes, dislikes, project possibilities, notes from meets we may have and more. It really helps me to keep up with them. I do the same for an JV (joint venture) projects I have.
• I am creating charts. Charts for goals, blogging, and more. Did I tell you that I am a very visual person.
• I narrowed down my daily work schedule for clients to about 6.5 hours per day. It really helps when accepting clients and assignments or projects. To work on the back end of business and my blogs I have set aside Sundays because my husband is either home or he takes Brehane with him to work. Sure there are days when I work longer or Sundays when the family is out but that is when you learn the value of flexbility.

A little sidenote: I am not an affiliate of any program mentioned here. I just think they are very valuable tools for getting and staying organized.

Now I am still organizing for homeschool but it should be pretty simple because AJ attends the academy now in Oklahoma and Brehane will only be 5 when we get started. Most of my time with him will be creative play and we only homeschool for a few hours per day.

So there you have it. A portion of my journey to getting back to organization. A good book to read about getting and stay organized is Organizing From The Inside Out. It is a great little read and will get your organizing wheels turning.

My husband actually brought it home and I told him that he needed it more than me. But I picked it up because you can never learn too much - well actually I think in some instances you can. I figured that if I read it my husband and I can talk about the ideas in the book and that will help us to communicate better when it come so organization because sometimes I can go on one of “Tara Rants” and that is just not a cool thing to do. To watch me fuss and clean can be hilarious but it wears this woman out.

How are you getting it all together? Do you have any tips for me?

Tags: organization

Finding Yourself Is An Amazing Feeling

Aug 7, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity, Unplugged Moments

About two weeks ago I wrote a post about an epiphany I had. I realized that I am a point of finding myself and it sure feels great! I am not sure if it is all about being a few months from 40 or if it is just that I am finally hearing what God has been saying to me for years. Whatever it is, it really does feel good to be in this position!

I have listened to this person and that person about who I am and yet I never quite felt comfortable about what they had to say. It was as if something were missing. However, there were times when I listened and found myself in the middle of some situations that I did not want to be in. Now I don’t blame anyone because they were just trying to help and meant well, as we often do when we give advice. However, I should have listened to the voice that was guiding me elsewhere.

I have decided a few things about my life where my family, business, and my ministry is concerned:

• My family is blessed beyond measure and we have to appreciate that daily.
• Brehane is a major focus for me right now and everything I do must reflect that fact.
• If am not satisfied in my personal life, I will not be satisfied in anything I do.
• My business direction is changing and I must accept that and move with it.
• I only play to an Audience of One and it is He who I must seek to glorify
• I don’t have to feel guilty because my business direction is changing. I need to do what is best for my life as it is.
• I have to work smart and not wear myself into the ground. If I am overworking myself I am no good to God or anyone else.
• I must use what I have effectively
• I have to work being married daily because it ain’t no joke.
• My business must surround my personal mission and focus, if it doesn’t then for me it just won’t work.
• I love serving others and helping them to succeed.
• I have a heart for your women and want them to learn to see themselves as God does.
• God has given me the uncanny talent of creative communication. I have to use it and do it well.
• I am tired of spinning my wheels trying to make things work that aren’t. It is time to use the skills and talents i have and create a stream of income that will be beneficial for my family

There are many other resolutions I have reached but I think this is enough to share for because not everything needs to be shared.

I am at a point where I am at peace with the decisions that I have made and I love where I am in life. This has been a long time coming and I have gone from one end of the world to the other (figuratively that is), to discover what in the heck I am supposed to be doing. There is no way I am turning back now and allowing myself to be trapped back into what it not working for me.

Man, I feel so free writing that out. I really do feel so good about me!

How do you feel about YOU?

Repositioning My Thoughts

Aug 6, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

The main concept that I picked up from reading Repositioning Yourself by TD Jakes, is that in order to navigate any part of your life with success, your thoughts must be in alignment with the changes you need to make. If you try to reposition with unhealthy thoughts, you will only be blowing hot air and a bunch of fluff.

Your mind must believe in what you are doing and faith is the catalyst for the belief. Even if it is as small as mustard seed you can move a mountain.

There is not trick to making the paradigm to a new way of thinking. However, you must be aware that renewing your mind is not an easy thing to do; but if you are determined to make the change, you can. No matter how small the steps are that you must take to do so, it can be done.

Some of the negative thoughts in my own mind were:

1. I will never lose the weight
2. I am in debt and will never crawl my way out
3. I want to get out of this hopeless marriage. My husband is just not getting me.
4. I will never profit in my business.
5. I am not a good mom. What mom would send her son to live elsewhere. I should have just left my husband.
6. I never finished college so what will I really amount to?
7. I am so and so years old and this is where my life is…nowhere

Now, that is just not the way that God would have you to think. That train of thought does nothing for abundant living. In fact it goes totally against everything that Jesus taught. You see when I read my Word, I see where it says that I am the head and not the tail and how Jesus came that I might have abundant life. I also see where Paul tells me that God does not give me the spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind. Oh yeah, and in Nehemiah, it tells me that I am the apple of God’s eye.

With affirmations like that this is what my thoughts should be:

1. I did not get this way overnight and it will not come off over night. I am fearfully and wonderfully made and God did not make me junk. Yes, I gained some weight and need to lose it but I am the best me I can be at this moment in my life.
2. I am in debt. I need to figure out why and take the steps necessary to get out.
3. I can only work on me. I come with flaws. Who said that my husband would be perfect.  He is the man that God intended for me and I have been more than blessed to have him in my life.
4. If I apply what I know and listen to His leading, I will create an income and my business will thrive.
5. Sending my son to Oklahoma had nothing to do with me. It was his choice and he is doing so well there. He needed to be somewhere where he could fly on wings of his own. I am a good mother because Iistened to God’s leading.
6. Girl, look at what God has given you. You are intelligent, wise, and have the skills, talents and gifts to go far in life.
7. You may have taken some wrong turns in life, but you are striving daily to stay the path He has set for you.

Do you see the difference?

A paradigm shift is an absolute must if you are to live that authentic existence that God intends for you to live. Your thoughts can not dwell on the negative because that will get you no where fast. Instead bask in the fact that God has great things in store for you and let your thoughts rest there.

A side note here is that while you bask on what is good, pure, lovely, and of good report, please do not think I am speaking of any new age philosophy, because I am not. Know that for every level there will be problems - that is a given. However, the best thing to do when issues arise is to reposition yourself to meet the challenges that stand before you.

Keep your head where it belongs and stop that gutter thinking. Reposition your mind and change the direction of your life.

I dare you to take the chance and change the way you think!

Back To Organization

Jul 25, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

Before I got married, I was such an organized individual. I had days for everything I did, a running grocery list that was basically the same, a budget, a clean house, and I was timely and never forgot. Then I married an unorganized gypsy minded man and my world as I knew it turned upside down.

My husband’s family has a serious issue with being on time and it has proven more than detrimental in my household; manifesting itself in a number of undesirable ways. I in turn just sorta gave up trying to keep it all together because the Man just knew he had it al together. I stayed prayerful and knew that eventually, it would blow in his face. I just prayed for God’s protection and comfort when it did.

The last two years have really shown my man how cluttered and disorganized he has been living his life. Thank God. It took some serious storms, pissed off folks, and lost of income but he started seeing it.

Even got himself an organizing book. Had the nerve to tell me I need to read it. To which I laughed and said., “Dear, I know how to organize. I have just been figting with your lack of for the last 6 years.”

So the last few weeks have found me helping him because he is ready to listen and me also getting myself back on track.

I see that I need to go back to my lists: kitchen inventory, household cleaning, daily business tasks, and even a library so that I don’t take books back late. I am also trying to keep budget straight.  There are other things that I have to get straight but it is coming along.

For those who are married, please don’t think that your habits don’t have a direct effect on your spouse, because they do.

I am going to try and write my goals out here on Mom Unplugged and if you have tips, please share them with me. Here is what I am working on now:

1. Off the Computer by 9:00pm
2. In bed by 10:00pm
3. Developing a Home Inventory List
4. Organizing my blog posts so that all my blogs and those I am a guest blogger get attention
5. Organizing my daily schedule and limiting my Twitter time

I am good with cleaning my house, doing my laundry and things like that because I hate a nasty stale smelling home, but the rest I let get away from me.

Do you have any tips to help me get on target?

Repositioning My Marriage

Jul 20, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

As I read this book, I realize that I also need to reposition my marriage; even more so than I already have. On September 1 I will be celebrating my 6th Anniversary and I have to be honest when I say that my first few years were pure hell and I was ready to jump ship so many times.

There are many layers to the story of my life with the Man but for the sake of this post, I will only focus on the ones that I think had the most impact on why I went through so much pain.

My husband and I met on July 4, 2002 over the internet. It was a fast courtship as we both knew what we were looking for and we were older than the average couple when they marry, so we married after his visit to my home in Los Angeles. I had already been told by my mentor years before meeting Rupert that I was going to marry fast. I did not believe her and look who was right. Were Nancy still alive today, she would still be laughing.
I moved to Chicago in November of that same year and while on birth control, became pregnant with Brehane in December. Talk about a shock to my system. We were not expecting that at all but we worked our way through it and thanked God for the blessing that would be Brehane Yosef Ham-Ying.
My husband is an odd man who I think has way too much intelligence for any one human. As result it can sometimes make living with him very unbearable. But he can find a solution for just about anything. Ever heard of McGyver? Well my husband is him in the flesh. I have to admit though that being married to a hot headed woman for the last 6 years has taught him much and he see that he does not have the control he thought he did.
I went into the marriage depressed and as result it reaked havoc on many things in our marriage. I also had an attitude issue because I was not as trustworthy of men as some women are. I was raised by my momma who after being abused by my sister’s father decided never to marry again and she never let another man step over her. However, she did not teach her daughters the value of a man outside of making sure he had money and a job.

I had to help my sister fight her husband, watched my momma beat up my drunk aunt’s drunk boyfriends time after time again until my momma finally told her to get out, and I was sexually abused by, not one, but 5 different people, 4 of them being male. When my daddy found out that one of the men was my own step-brother he beat the fool out of him and told me that he would never bother me again. Which he did not but my daddy also did not tell my momma which in turn means I received no help for the problem. And then my daddy died in 1985.

When Daddy died it was as if my very life slipped from me and I went deeper and deeper into an abyss of mistrust, bitterness, and even anger.

I realized sometime later that all of these events perpetrated by men left me with a very bitter taste in my mouth when it came to trust. For me I had been disappointed by every man who entered my life, even Daddy because he died before it was time.

Yet, I knew I wanted to be married. I learned that while I had forgiven all those who were a part of my downfall into depression, I did not heal from that abusive past. I carried it with me into my marriage, unbeknown to me, and in turn I did some very mean things to my husband.

So you see a few of the layers and you can see that they run pretty deep because there are more.

In 2006, I began to work on LaTara and all I had contributed to our marriage. I allowed God to show me all the ugliness that dwelled deeper than I had imagined. What He showed me was not good but I had to look in the mirror in order to begin the healing process.

Let me pause here to say that while I am not the only one in this marriage and it takes two to tangle, I can only be responsible for me.

What Repositioning Yourself is confirming for me is that I am on the right road. When TD talks about dealing with those voices of reasons, I felt very connected to L Lover. I gave my husband the blues in many instanced and mis-trusted him, closing him out of much of my life out of fear, that like many of the men in my life, he too would disappoint.

My marriage is much better today than it was yesterday. I am learning to appreciate and trust the man that God put in my path for a life together; bringing Him Glory. Is it perfect? Heck no! But it is much better.

Repostion Yourself - The Beginning

Jul 9, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

On my journey towards a more authentic me, I decided to read Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits by TD Jakes. When the book first came out, I felt a tug towards it, but I was still in a mind set of not caring much about who I was, where I was going, or what God had for me to do. I was in denial that God could actually bless a woman like me.

I was in an apathetic mode and I really was not aware until one day I looked in the mirror and said to myself, “I don’t like me. Why would God even care to do anything through me.”

Truly I was giving up on myself, my hopes, my dreams, my desires, and my drive to be that motivating force that God called me to be so many years ago. I found myself wondering where LaTara went. What happened to that girl who had faith that move mountains and stepped out on the tight rope with God as the balancing stick?

Many of you know, if you follow this blog, that almost 2 years ago I decide it was time to come out of my depressed state. That meant working through every emotion that had me in the state that I was in. But at the time I was not at a point to read books like Reposition Yourself and although this particular book did not come out until 2007, I was not ready then either.

Anyway, I am at the point where I need to read this book and soak up what it has for me.

From the moment I read the first word, I have been enthralled with what TD has to say. He starts out telling he story of how we come to face the characters of our voices of reason. The example of the woman in this book that he used had to face Bee - The spiritual self, Manny - the Manager, L Lover, and Dee Dreamer.

Each of these characters come together to have an intervention of sorts and make the woman face things she has been dealing with all the wrong way because she has become a bitter, apathetic individual whose goals had become a bit warped. Here are a few of the observations that each of these characters shared with her:

Dee Dreamer: “It’s been so painful watching you settle for less and less in your life, working a job beneath your talents and capabilities, accepting the roles that others assign to you, giving up the creative pursuits that once fueled your ambition. I’m the part of you that longs to be all that you were created to be, the dreamer inside you who loves to look ahead and aim for the top… Instead of fighting to keep the fire inside you alive, you let the embers die by becoming addicted to a life without dreams, without hope… You can’t do on this way -it’s killing you. Fight for the dreams that were once such a vital part of your life.”

L Lover: “Look at your now. I see you faking your interest, distracted by what you need. You stopped giving, so you stopped getting back. You can’t sow indifference and get back affection. Forget about the relationships that went bad or had issues. Don’t lose sight of the loving person you were meant to be. You stopped loving the idea of love. Your authentic self is camouflaged by a self who has no feelings. Do you know that living inside of you is like being trapped by a mannequin?”

Manny, The Manager: “”Your addiction to apathy has affected everything. It has affected your business - your finances are going to hell! And don’t even get me started on your credit! You are just letting things go. You don’t handle your business anymore. You won’t face up to issues and that not getting any better. They are getting worse…Listen, I know you have faith and I know you believe in God. But God helps those who help themselves. Or maybe I should say faith without works is dead. You can’t just pray about business, you have to do something. Doesn’t the Bible say that a blessed man is the one who “whatsoever he doeth shall prosper’? Listen God can’t bless what you won’t do. You haven’t been taught correctly. Prosperity doesn’t come from giving an offering. It’s good to be a giver. But you must also be a thinker, a planner, and a worker.”

Bee, the Believer: “If you want to break through your addiction to mediocrity, your recovery must be spiritual. It doesn’t necessarily involve going to church. That is good but without a personal relationship with God, churchgoing is empty. Focus on what your soul hungers and thirst for: to relate to God. God will guide you, but only you can take the first step on the exciting journey known as the rest of your life. Aren’t you tired of the slop for which you have been settling? You may have squandered your resources so far, but God delights in providing His children with what they need when they rely on Him. It’s time. It’s time.”

Now I don’t know about you, but this sister saw herself in this woman who was being faced with her voices of reasons. Mine have been speaking to me for some time and I have watched myself change and continue to do so as I take steps to make sure that I am repositioning myself.

I am going to share more from this phenomenal book, Reposition Yourself: Living Life Without Limits , and I invite you if you have the book to comment, write about it on your blog, or just say a pray for me and others who are in the process of repositioning in some area of their lives.

Pear Budget Review….Oh Yeah A Contest Too!

Jun 21, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

My mommy friend Jenny Decki over at Mommy Blog Reviews invited me to try out a new budgeting tool. Now I have to tell you that I am not big on budgeting tools because, well, they just give me a headache. Trying to figure it all out and in which column to put it. What if I don’t have a boat or house? How in the heck do I change that?

Many of the budgeting options available online just did not work for me so I gave up and went back to the notebook and what I could figure up in my head. When I told Jenny I wanted to give Pear Budget a try I thought, “Ohh Man! Here we go again!”

But to my surprise Pear Budget was just so simple. I kept waiting for the millions of slots to “stick this there” and “that over here”, but it never happened. So I have to say I was thoroughly pleased. Truly I was.

The owners of Pear Budget are Charlie and his wife Charlie and Sarah are a couple who wanted to make budeting a simple process and they did just that. They are so confident of their system that will even give you a 30 day trial to see how it works. Now, that’s a good deal.

A monthly membership to Pear Budget is only $3 and that is another good deal.

I am giving away a lifetime membership to Pear Budget. From now until June 30 all you need to do is comment and let me know about your budgeting goals and why you think Pear Budget will help you with accomplish those goals. That’s it!

The winner will be announced on July 1.

I invite you to give Pear Budget’s 30 Day Trial a spin and enter the contest too. If you win you get to budget free!

Tags: blogging, budgeting, contest, mom blogs

No Fakin’ Here!

Jun 16, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

My friend Alyssa asked an interesting question. She wanted to know “how real are you on your blog?“. I thought that is a very interesting question so I decided to answer it.

What you see or read is what you get. There is not faking it with me. I don’t know how to fake it. When you read my blog posts it is all about me and mine. There is no reason to lie are pretend to be something I am not.

I love who I am and sharing my journey is a my way of testifying, witnessing, and revealing God’s will and direction in my life. It is always my hope when I share that people think and are encouraged to change.

So just know that this is me and that is all I will ever be.

And He Sat Still

Jun 11, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

When Brehane was between 16 and 18 months old his doctor was concerned that he was only saying a few words. I just thought he was a slow talker. Anyway the doctor arranged for him to have weekly in-home speech therapy.

His first therapist, Sandy, was wonderful. She followed what he did and played with him the whole hour. Sandy understood that Brehane was a very active child and would also get distracted with his favorite toys; cars, trucks, and trains; and she worked with that, using it in the therapy. When I met her she had informed us that she had cancer but was in remission. Some time she came out of remission and had to take a break from her weekly therapy sessions with Brehane.

I was not sure who he would get next or how they would handle Brehane.

Well, in enters Helene and I knew that we were in trouble. She was not exactly thrilled that my boys were homeschooled and she often remarked that they needed more outside activities. Now she never once inquired about their day to day activities. She simply made an assumption.

Assumptions can lead a person into some dangerous territory.

Helene spoke about Brehane as if he were one of the most unruly children she has ever come across. She would say that he got distracted to easily and it posed a problem for her. Forget the fact that she was a woman who never got up to play. She sat on the floor the entire hour and expected a 2 year old to do the same thing. Get real!

One comment she made really bugged me. She said that no day care would ever take him because he was too active and did not sit still. And then she mentioned the fact the he and AJ were homeschooled.

This momma was through. But you know what, that comment stuck with me. I would often find myself measuring my child with others. Was he moving too much? Did he need more interaction than what he already had? Would a day care really not accept him?

Last week I signed Brehane up for the CPL (Chicago Public Library) Summer Reading Program. Today was the first day.  Brehane has been around others kids but he has never been to a program like this before where he would have to actually sit still and listen; except when we do story time at home. I was a little concerned.

We get to the library, return the DVDs we borrowed last week. and head upstairs to story time. At first I make Brehane sit next me, but he ask if he can move up to the front seats and proceeds to sit front and center. Kids and moms start to come in, sit down, and prepare for story time. Brehane is still sitting still, looking back at me from time to time for reassurance that everything is ok. I simply smile and nod.

Story time starts with a song and then the leader tells all the children to come have a seat closer to her on the floor. For the next 30 minutes Brehane follow instructions, sits and stands as he is told, sings and jumps when it is time, and still peeks back at me for the smile and nod that everything is ok. We then go over to another room where the kids color.

As I sat and observed Brehane, I thought of Helene and that silly comment that I let tug at me for the last year and a half. I was wishing that she was there to see just how good Brehane really was. I thought that maybe I would write her a letter and let her know that she needs to stop assuming that she knows and learn to ask and observe with a more open mind.

I was so thrilled the he just sat still!

Talent, Lifer or Mandarin

Jun 11, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity

I’m a Talent!

You’re a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You’re determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You’re not afraid of a fight, and you’re not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you’re already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you’re not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 54%
Lifer: 41%
Mandarin: 49%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.