I often tell them that if they feel that they may fall back into old habits, they have a choice. We always have a choice!

The bottom line is that you are the one who is primarily responsible for YOU. Therefore, you have to pay attention to the signals that your mind and body send you. You must be cautious in keeping yourself from renewing bad habits, especially in those times when it is tempting to slip.

Remember that for every temptation, God has provided a door of escape.

Build and maintain close ties with others who are in or may also be genuinely attempting to become healthy to help you not revert back. Because you have those relationships already in place, you know that you can call on them when you need an extra boost, just as they should be free to call on you.

It is also important to take the time to learn from those who have already defeated similar problems. Take advantage of the wisdom and experience of those who have travelled the road ahead of you.

You must also eliminate sources of negative energy from your life. When you pay attention to God’s discerning spirit within you, you will know which people and circumstances cause you to revert back. Make it a point to avoid these situations, going out of your way, if necessary, to steer clear of peers and places that drag you down.

Be clear about your purpose. Share your goals with other caring individuals, and remind yourself daily of the benefits of staying strong.

Because you are focused on becoming a healthier You and you utilize all the support you need, you will see that you are strong enough to overcome old habits.

One thing that I have learned is that when you are clear on your goals, you do not cling to less important priorities. You recognize that, like everyone else, you have limited time, energy and resources. As a result, you learn to let go of the idea that somehow you should be able to do everything.

You learn to keep your focus on your objective, and distribute your time based on three priorities: God, you, and family. You then prioritize and make goals; making sure to give yourself ample space for rest and rejuvenation.

Grabbing as hold to the fat was very important to me, especially in the last few months. I start a path to purposely obey God. Why?

Because obedience is just that – purposeful!

I grew tired of trying to figure it all out on my own and when my business literally came to a standstill, I had to look to God to figure it all out.

For me it was becoming more important for God to come first my life, and to set aside time to let Him nurture me. I was taught years ago about the importance of building an intimate relationship through communing with Him and last summer I became hungry for the time with Him.

I learned that in doing so my family and I were beyond blessed! The more time I gave to God the more my life took on new meaning. The more time I spent with the God the less important making money became. The more time I spent with Him, the more I saw the truth in my dreams.

The more time I spent with the Father, the more my true priorities came into view; not only in my spiritual life but in my personals and business life as well.

• My relaxation activities are important. While they may not seem that critical to others, I know that my level of productivity depends largely on my own opportunities for rest and creative expression, so I have to make those moments a priority in my life as well.
• My time with my husband is necessary. After having the issues we had we have learned to place one another as a high priority on our list. Our conversation has changed, what we say to other and how we say it has changed, and how we support and accept one another has changed as well.
• My time with each of my boys is vital. I have to make time for my boys. One is about to go to college and the other is little boy that folks want to label as different but he is just very very special. Each one needs something particular form me and I have to focus on those needs.
• My business needs my focus. When it is time for work, it is time for work. When you work from home it is easy to mesh work and home into one but the truth is you can’t. I know I mentor on life and business integration but that does not have to do with working from home. It has to do with learning to incorporate a whole living approach to your daily business activities. My focus on business has to occur within scheduled hours for many reasons – one being my sanity. So I do things to make sure it happens. For example I only do consultations Tuesday – Thursday for set amount of time.
• With the rest of my time, I am choosing to engage in activities that help me reach my spiritual, personal and professional goals and let go of everything else. Yes I have time for fun – that’s included in the personal stuff; and even some of the spiritual stuff too. Yep, life with God can be fun

Whether it’s a conference, a date with my husband or my boys, or a bowling night with friends, I have learned, and continue to do so to filter each possible activity and expenditure through my priorities and make my decisions accordingly.

While there are some who do not like it I am clear with others about my priorities and availability. I have learned to let go of all guilt when I choose to decline an activity because I am confident that I have the big picture in mind and I am making a positive choice for the long run.

What about you

1. Are you clear in your own mind about your goals and priorities?
2. Do others understand your goals?
3. Do you need to give up an activity that has been draining your time for no reason?

Talk to me! Let’s discuss priorities and setting healthy boundaries.

Yesterday I talked about Trying To Box God In.  Today I want to share my experience of letting God out of the box.

I don’t hide much of my life. It is what it is and there is no other way to explain it. Over the past few months I have been at a point of truly trying to focus and get where it is God wants me with my business. I have tried so many different things in the past, but never found true satisfaction in any of them. I believe the business owner should love what they do and when they no longer love it, then they need to consider, evaluate, and prune where necessary.

I have also learned that when your life is just a mess then your business will feel it. Although my path is clearer now, it does not mean that it won’t come with its share of troubles. This past spring I decided it was time for me to get away from the environment I was in and move where I can find peace and more clarity. So I relocated to Oklahoma. It was where God was leading me and I went without knowing why in the heck I was going.

At any rate that was April and we are now in July. Over the last few months I tried my best to maintain my business that was already in jeopardy because the of the environment I lived in. I could not handle the load because I was trying to maintain my sanity that I worked so hard to get back. It was getting harder and harder to cope.

However I pushed, even when God said it was time to consider, evaluate, and prune. I tried to get God to bless my mess. In May is when everything started to go downhill as far as I was concerned. My income was cut in half and I started losing clients due to the summer, kids out of school, and some I let go because God told me to do so. I even lost a few because of my own negligence.

All I could do was look to God ask why, and how it all happened. Either He was silent for a while or I was trying to hear what I wanted to hear because He was not answering me at all. So finally I shut up my mind and my mouth. I stopped trying to put God in that box, that He never seemed to be in anyway and just let Him be God.

Don’t shake your head because you have been there too (if you are not there now).

God gently reminded me to trust in Him as I had before and rest on His promises to me. He then told me to look at my life and I will see the state of my business.

WOOO…talk about a scary view. I did not want to see that because I had come so far. However, there were still obstacles in the way; and most of them I created.

I have been working on tightening my brand and developing programs and products that fit it. I have been missing so much and I was led back to a post I wrote some time ago about the Epiphany of Me and how I discovered myself that weekend. How I lost myself after that is still up in the air; but the reality is that it can happen.

I have realized that the more I get my life together, the more my business comes together. My income did not fall because of all I was not doing. It was cut in half in preparation. God needed me to be quiet for while. Being here in Oklahoma with my mother has enabled me to be able to do just that because the cost of living is low. God removed the clients so that I regain my focus. I had to remove what did not belong to make space for what was to be added according to His will for my life and business.

WOW… that was another epiphany (I tell ya those revelations are eye opening)!

Am I giving up Social Savvy VA. Nope. As I work on my brand it all fits together.

I can’t share much about what I am planning or rather what God is directing. I can tell you this, if your business is determining your life I have something great planned for the fall over at my main site LaTara Ham-Ying dot com. The plans have been in the works for some months but I can see better now that the rain are gone and can see all the obstacles in my way.

Oh yeah, and like I said, I finally let God out of the box

Have you let God out of the Box? If so what is it doing for your life? If not, why?

We all know someone who is generous to a fault. I myself have been accused of being “too nice” more than once in my lifetime. The type of person who will give even when it means that they do not have much left for themselves. For many, the act is genuine kindness; for others it is a way to punish themselves. Therein lies the difference between selflessness and self-denial.

Is there a thin line between selflessness and self-denial? The difference is in the resulting feeling and the lifestyle of the giver not the act itself. For instance, let’s say that you have lunch at work with a friend. As you sit down to eat, she realizes that her lunch is back at home on the kitchen counter. You offer to share your lunch with her so she doesn’t have to go without.

Here’s another example. A friend asks if they can borrow a dress because they are going out on a date. As she looks through your closet, she finds the one she likes but it also happens to be the new dress you just purchased. With a half-hearted smile, you hand her the dress and say, “It’ll look good on you. I don’t know when I’ll ever get to wear it on a date.”

The difference here is not in the action, but in the emotion behind it. In both situations, the giver shared easily enough. But, the person who shared lunch is left with a feeling of satisfaction. The person lending the dress has just reinforced negative feelings about herself with her sacrifice. One is not the same as the other.

Selflessness in our character comes from a place of security. In essence, we are comfortable in our skin. On-the-other-hand, self-denial results from a place of insecurity. In the mind of those who self-deny there is the thought that they don’t deserve to be happy so they give away things as a form of self-imposed punishment.

Giving of our time and talents is also a form of selflessness. Our character is not diminished by the gift but we are uplifted because someone else will benefit from our generosity. We don’t have to put ourselves lower in order for someone else to feel better.

Self-denial is the opposite. With everything that is sacrificed, the person feels worse. It is a debt whose punishment never ends.

Self-denial does not have to be a part of your life. If you are in self-denial mode, you have to do is figure out the reason that you feel less than deserving of the good things in life

Denying yourself the right to live your life is a serious problem. It usually stems from a past experience where you were possibly made to feel that way. In the absence of anything else to the contrary, you carried that character flaw throughout your life. And, yes, it is a flaw to view yourself in such a negative light.

It is a good idea to pay attention to how and why you give. Consider your emotional state and what you gave. Ask yourself if you are giving out of your generous nature or to punish for past mistakes? Once you have done Talk it out with someone you trust if your behavior stems from the latter.

Don’t let self-denial ruin your life. Take control today and make the choice to change.

This morning in the Mom Masterminds Monday Breakthrough Sessions, life coach, Aurelia Williams, mentioned pulling out the road map and connecting. The topic was on attitude adjustment and it was a great conversation.

When  I heard the term Road Map, I thought the program I created Pathways To Authentic Living. In essence it is a road map because it incites women to change the way they “think”, the way they “do”, and the way they “be”. As a result of my own struggles with thinking, doing, and being I found out that I am more than a conqueror; and God gave me a road map that enables me to move from point A to point B in a more logical and realistic way. I have taken this road map and created lessons for other women to have their own road map.

A road map is a necessary tool when you are driving from one destination to another. If you are not sure where to go then the map can show you how to get there. Not only can it show you how to get there but it can show you the most efficient way too. It is important to find the most efficient way to travel because it can save you from using too much time traveling down a road that may have obstacles, steep hills, too many stop signs and other traveling woes.

Don’t you want a smooth ride when you travel?

A great benefit of a roadmap is that it can help you discover new places and things you have never seen before. Imagine looking at a scene, an animal, or a tree that you never knew existed. When we come upon God’s nature it can only make us more grateful of all that He has done for us.

I think another awesome benefit is that a road map is that it keeps on focused on your target. With a map in hand you are able to mark your target destination and take the roads needed to get there. A focused target tells you which way you need to be going and the road map provides the best way to reach where you need to be.

In life the use of a road map is just as beneficial as one for traveling from one physical point to another. Our entire life from birth to death involves moving from one destination to another. It is called growth! With growth comes the need for guidance and direction. That is what a life road map will do for you. It will give you what you need to get to from one leg to the next in reaching your destination.

Even when you have projects, household stuff, and other things to do, you should have some sort of road map.

Road maps, in essence, help to keep us sane. They are the connection that lead us to the final destination of our journey  – whatever that journey may be.

Have you developed a road map for your life? Why do you think Road Maps are important?

Today I am thinking about excuses and so I am going to blog about it; because this is my blog and I can. And this post will not be too long because I just want to vent a bit.

Making excuses not to live, to do, or to be is only going to hurt you more in the long run.  Lately, I have listened to more excuses than I really care to hear. It has been like listening to a bunch of whining 2 year olds.

An excuse is simply a reason for inactivity. If you are an “excuse giver”I think that you need to reach down deep inside to figure out why you make so many excuses because there is something deep down inside of you that does not want to succeed.

There is an error in making excuses. It gives you a reason not to move, breath, and be all that God intends for you to be. The error of making an excuse is that your life is no longer your own. It belongs to all those reasons you give not to do what needs to be done.

There is no need to keep giving excuses when you have it in you to just DO. The choice it yours to make a difference in your life today.

If you were around Mom Unplugged on Monday, then you know that Marilynn Griffith stopped by to talk about a chunk of ground beef, social media, and her emotional state while looking for cheese. Reading her post was like drinking a nice refreshing cup of lemonade.

The same rings true for her book, Mom’s The Word. When started reading, I could immediately tell that this was going to be one of those books I would read late into the midnight hour. Trust me when I say that my 10pm bedtime was totally shot. I even read the book while chatting with my husband late one night before bed time.

What attracted me to Mom’s The Word was the parallel between Karol’s life and my own. You see I was the mom who did not want to hear the word that my family seemed to spit out, making it sound more like an annoying scratch across the chalk board. For me the word “mom” did not drip from their lips like honey.

As I considered my own life and why I was that woman who did not like the fact that “mom” really was the word, I thought about the other moms just like me. The ones who are lost and can’t seem to find their way. The ones who feel a lack of support for the dreams that lie deep down inside. The ones who cringe when their husband calls them “mom” instead of by their God given name.

Yes, there are moms out there just like Karol and LaTara. You know what? It is ok to feel like this. There is nothing wrong with you at all.

Many moms are living vicariously (often times not realizing what they are doing) through their families. We let our children and spouses live out their dreams and toss ours in the bottom of the pile; never thinking that we will have a chance to reach back into that pile and pull out what is rightfully ours.

How sad it is when we don’t think our dreams matter once we have a family. Yes, family is a priority; but isn’t that same family also a team? From mom and dad to each child, there should be room for every player to get a turn.

For Karol her turn at bat came when her husband took the time to see his wife’s issues for what they were, step up to the plate and give his wife 21 days to find herself again. Talk about team work and sacrifice.

The gift Karol’s husband gave her that Mother’s Day was the best thing he could have done for his wife. She was losing it fast and he knew she needed to be revived and renewed.

Our gifts, talents, and skills have a place. It is up to us to take the time to figure out just what that place is. Being a mom is not a calling, it is a part of being a good steward to the most precious gift God has entrusted us with… HIS CHILDREN! I know some moms may gasp or call me crazy, but when you think about it, it is reality.

While having kids may be a part of the reason we are here, it is not the epitome of why we are here. How do I know? Because God Words tells us so.

In the Word we read why we were created and it was not to be mom. It was to glorify and serve God (Isaiah 43:7). Too many times as moms we glorify and serve our kids and place our husbands on pedestals. Sorry but I will not place my children or my spouse before my God.

Please don’t get me wrong and think I am not into my family or that I don’t love me kids. I am into my family and my kids I would die for and they know this. However, I know that my gifts, talents, and skills are for more than just being “mom”. Like Karol, I am a writer and everyday God reminds me of those projects I have left hanging and those books I have started but fear moving forward with.

I am a motivator and I have been called to motivate with words (both spoken and written). I motivate my kids daily and challenge them to be more than they dream. I tell them all the time that they are God’s chosen. You know what? It is the same message I am to take to the masses as well.

Moms I challenge you to look at all that you give your family and find ways to give it those same things to yourself and others. Like Karol and LaTara, it will ROCK your world and bless your family!

Look for more reflections on this great book over the next few days. It is an eye opening look into the mirror that many moms refuse to face out of fear of doing the wrong thing.

Can I tell you a secret?

Living your life to the fullest for the Glory of God is the best gift you can give your family.

Last night I had another epiphany. I have allowed most of my adult life to be dictated by others. That was shocker for this girl who values keeping it real. Not that I was not keeping things real but I was letting others hold me back from so much.

From my mom to my oldest child to my husband I have let people just take the vibrant life force I once had right out of me. Whether it was something they did or said, I let them dictate. In hindsight I know why.

A lot of my life was violent and confrontational as a child. If it was not the abuse, it was the fighting by some of the adults in my life; or even me fighting to keep someone from hurting me or someone I love. So as I got older I hated confrontation and still do in some ways. But the more I work through authentic living, the easier it gets to deal with things and confront them head on.

I came to this conclusion about my life being dictated by others because I was having a talk with my oldest son last night about something simple and he got upset. Trying to keep things on the smooth tip I just walked out the room because I did not want to upset anymore.

I laid on the bed and prayed about it and asked God what I did wrong. I have been very apprehensive since my oldest decided to move here to Oklahoma a year before, leaving me in Chicago. At any rate as I was laying on the bed, I had the epiphany that I have been letting others dictact my life. After deep  prayer and thought, I went into my son’s room and informed him that I said nothing wrong to him and that like his mom he perceives things wrong.

I had to remind him that like basketball, you have to play life strategically and with wisdom. That is how the best players play ball and he is a good player who almost made it to Oklahoma’s All state Team. That is how he has to play in life! I then informed him that I release his mess back to him and that by the age of 17 he should know how to deal with it himself. I am willing to help him but I will not hinder him or allow him to hinder me.

Talk about an attitude adjustment. He saw a whole new view once I told him that he can keep dwelling in the past but I will not dwell there with him. I am not the same woman I was a year ago and he should be the same kid he was then.

It is something when you begin to see triggers in your life that have caused you to lose self in some way or another. For me I see that I devalued myself by letting others dictate how I lived my life.

Now I am taking the time to sort through it all and unplug from that part of my life and find avenues of healing.

Do you let people dictate your life? If so why do you think you allow it?

I have been online in some capacity since 2000. When I got married in 2002, I found myself online even more because I had become a stay at home mom in a new town with no friends. The internet was way for me to connect to my friends and family back in Los Angeles.

Eventually I started seeking other groups of like-minded individuals and that is how I discovered, that you really can earn an income online. And get this – there were legal ways to do it. I also discovered that I could create a ministry for women much like what I had in Los Angeles, but online. I was in heaven learning all I could to make a difference and a living at the same time. But I made some HUGE mistakes along the way.

Fast forward to October 2006 and I was in an impromptu coaching session with Kelly McCausey. She said some things to me that hurt but were true. It was on that day that I heard God tell me to do VA work. I remember the entire setting and the conversation with Kelly. As she was talking to me, she asked me what I thought I had too offer. I clearly heard God say “VA work and writing” but I totally ignored it. He repeated it and I still waved it off. I just did not want to commit all that time to people’s stuff. I was too depressed and out of sorts to deal with other people; especially clients who were going to be picky, mean and that I may have had to well, I will be honest, tell off. And as far as my writing – that was too personal for me to give over to anyone else. Writing was my therapy during a time when my life was just at a point of turmoil, confusion and deep sadness.

So I started building Vegan Family Living in October and launched it in January 2006. I loved talking about cooking, food, and how my vegan family lived. But you know what, I felt a tug often to help others with what I had learned and already knew about business. I found myself helping people in so many ways.

Fast forward one more time to April 2008. After 2 years, income from Vegan Family Living was still a trickle, I was working the match from both ends, and was trying to come out of funk after suffering a nervous breakdown in February. I was no longer happy or in a place of peace. My family was coming back from a serious financial set back after my husband was not paid $12,000 on a job he did. Let’s just say I was in a bad place spiritually, mentally, emotionally and even physically.

I was working hard at my plans to expand Vegan Family Living when my husband came to me and said that I was going to have to go out of the house for work because we were hurting. His projects were far and few between, the boys needed clothes, and I was skipping meals to sure they were able to eat.

Well didn’t I hear God again tell me to start writing and this time this girl listened. I set my site up in a week and by the end of the following week, I had three clients and had made almost $300. Wow! Why didn’t I just listen. Now I am adding the VA services but I waited until God showed me where I need to focus. I just did not want to mess up anymore.

My life is not better because of the work coming in. It is better because in February when I had that nervous breakdown, I finally waved my white flag and told God that I just can’t do this my way anymore. I had tried and failed miserably time after time. In the last 5 1/2 years I had forgotten my experience and where God has brought me from. I became a person who I did not like. I was even angry with God for much of the time and blamed him for where I was. Yet He never let me go far from His gripe of grace; even used me in the midst of my anger to help others. That is how I started my healing process.

Once I waved that white flag my love and respect for God returned. I knew I was back to loving Him and myself when I opened my mouth to sing one day and felt His presence so strong in the words that came out. God is just good like that.

Today I am a better woman for listening and heeding the Words from my Father. I am not only writing but also working with clients to increase their internet presence through using Social Media the right way.

I did not write this as a brag but to encourage some mom, some woman who is sitting on her white flag and not listening to His heeding. When He speaks, and yes He does speak to you about every area of your life, listen, heed, get up and start working.

You know over the last few days I have been thinking about how I have reached many of dreams in life. That made me not only thank God but ask for forgiveness as well. You see too many times we neglect to see that while it may not have been in way we thought it should, God does and wants to give us the desires of our heart if we diligently seek Him. Last Tuesday I had the privilage to attend an Online Marketing Women Entrpreneur conference. It was small, quaint, and just what I needed to know that I am where I need to be.

I sat back as the women were talking and realized that I have really lived more of my dreams than I thought I had:

• I always wanted to edit and publish my own magazine – I did that from 2005 to 2007.
• I always wanted to have my work published – I achieved that with over 100 articles and devotions in both print and online. I am working on my book now.
• I always wanted my own business -Started that venture in 1992 with my day care and today I work online making a decent monthly income.
• I always wanted to marry that God had for me – Did that but I have a bunch of notes written down so that when I meet my Creator I can ask Him a few questions.

I have had many dreams that never panned out and some that I believe have been deferred. However, I gained a sense of confidence last week at the conference because I saw for myseltf that I was already living so any of my dreams. Sure I am not wealthy by income standards but I thank God that I am wealthy in so many other ways.

We try to measure our success against the success of others, believing that if our dreams don’t look like their’s then we are living the wrong dream. But look at your life and create a list to see if you are living your dreams. I guarantee that if you take a look you will see that you really are living it and didn’t know it.