Last night I had another epiphany. I have allowed most of my adult life to be dictated by others. That was shocker for this girl who values keeping it real. Not that I was not keeping things real but I was letting others hold me back from so much.

From my mom to my oldest child to my husband I have let people just take the vibrant life force I once had right out of me. Whether it was something they did or said, I let them dictate. In hindsight I know why.

A lot of my life was violent and confrontational as a child. If it was not the abuse, it was the fighting by some of the adults in my life; or even me fighting to keep someone from hurting me or someone I love. So as I got older I hated confrontation and still do in some ways. But the more I work through authentic living, the easier it gets to deal with things and confront them head on.

I came to this conclusion about my life being dictated by others because I was having a talk with my oldest son last night about something simple and he got upset. Trying to keep things on the smooth tip I just walked out the room because I did not want to upset anymore.

I laid on the bed and prayed about it and asked God what I did wrong. I have been very apprehensive since my oldest decided to move here to Oklahoma a year before, leaving me in Chicago. At any rate as I was laying on the bed, I had the epiphany that I have been letting others dictact my life. After deep  prayer and thought, I went into my son’s room and informed him that I said nothing wrong to him and that like his mom he perceives things wrong.

I had to remind him that like basketball, you have to play life strategically and with wisdom. That is how the best players play ball and he is a good player who almost made it to Oklahoma’s All state Team. That is how he has to play in life! I then informed him that I release his mess back to him and that by the age of 17 he should know how to deal with it himself. I am willing to help him but I will not hinder him or allow him to hinder me.

Talk about an attitude adjustment. He saw a whole new view once I told him that he can keep dwelling in the past but I will not dwell there with him. I am not the same woman I was a year ago and he should be the same kid he was then.

It is something when you begin to see triggers in your life that have caused you to lose self in some way or another. For me I see that I devalued myself by letting others dictate how I lived my life.

Now I am taking the time to sort through it all and unplug from that part of my life and find avenues of healing.

Do you let people dictate your life? If so why do you think you allow it?