Mom Unplugged

Four Plus One Is Five

Sep 23, 2008 Family Time 3 Comments

On Septmber 23rd at 6:01pm Brehane Yosef Ham-Ying was born weighing in at 8lbs 1oz. His dad named him and the meaning is as follows: Brehane is Ethopian for “My light”; Yosef is Hebrew for “Joseph” which means “May Jehovah add/increase”; and Joseph is also my husband’s middle name; and Ham-Ying is his Chinese surname as my husband is half-Chinese.

He was a bright baby with a perfectly round head, very tight Chinese Eyes, straight black hair, and a wide nose. He looked nothing like the woman who birthed him. As a matter of fact, I carried his birth certificate with me when we traveled to Los Angeles 6 months later because I did not want people to think I kidnapped him. But he does have my lips and eye lashes.

He was a breastfed baby with a hungry appetite. So much so that when he turned 6 months old and I could not get work done, I walked down to WalGreen’s and bought a pacifier. Come to find out he just had a serious need to suck. Ahh the binky was my buddy.

He loves people, and when he was a baby going to see his 102 year old Great-Grandmother made his day. He was, however, a very picky baby and would not just go to anyone. But when Granny held him he just lit up.

And this is Mr Man today! Still has that Asian look with dimples and a gorgeous smile. Oh yeah, and the perfectly round head he was born with morphed into his momma big long head. But he is my wonderful little cutie and I would not trade him for the world.

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY BREHANE YOSEF HAM-YING!

Living It and Didn’t Know It

Sep 15, 2008 Unplugged Moments 3 Comments

You know over the last few days I have been thinking about how I have reached many of dreams in life. That made me not only thank God but ask for forgiveness as well. You see too many times we neglect to see that while it may not have been in way we thought it should, God does and wants to give us the desires of our heart if we diligently seek Him. Last Tuesday I had the privilage to attend an Online Marketing Women Entrpreneur conference. It was small, quaint, and just what I needed to know that I am where I need to be.

I sat back as the women were talking and realized that I have really lived more of my dreams than I thought I had:

I always wanted to edit and publish my own magazine - I did that from 2005 to 2007.
I always wanted to have my work published - I achieved that with over 100 articles and devotions in both print and online. I am working on my book now.
I always wanted my own business -Started that venture in 1992 with my day care and today I work online making a decent monthly income.
I always wanted to marry that God had for me - Did that but I have a bunch of notes written down so that when I meet my Creator I can ask Him a few questions.

I have had many dreams that never panned out and some that I believe have been deferred. However, I gained a sense of confidence last week at the conference because I saw for myseltf that I was already living so any of my dreams. Sure I am not wealthy by income standards but I thank God that I am wealthy in so many other ways.

We try to measure our success against the success of others, believing that if our dreams don’t look like their’s then we are living the wrong dream. But look at your life and create a list to see if you are living your dreams. I guarantee that if you take a look you will see that you really are living it and didn’t know it.

Not a Right Mom or a Left Mom - I Am a Vertical Mom

Sep 11, 2008 Sunday Testimony, Unplugged Authentcity 2 Comments

While I am not a political blogger and likely never will be because politics is not at all about God, but man in my opinion. However I do find that it is a topic that many mom bloggers are discussing. I have noticed that some of these moms are to the left while others are to the right. This made me think, “LaTara, what type of mom are you?”

I have been thinking about this long and hard for the last few days and I have decided that I am a Vertical Mom. I don’t beat to the beat of a man’s drum. My drum is mine and only God can have a turn on it. That is not selfish because man is not the determiner of my life as it should be. I am not concerned with whether or not I am liked, if that were the case I would cry everyday, as there are many who think I am different - not at all like the rest. To that I say thank God because as I watch the path that many take, I am glad that my road is a little different.

Now maybe you ask, what is a vertical mom, you ask? Of course I am going to tell you but I am choosing to do so with poetry.

A vertical mom is one who looks to God to determine how she should live.
She is not one who is defined by a political party or a set of man made rules and values.
Her values stem from her belief and relationship with her Creator.
She is one who attempts to test and prove as the Word says she should.

The vertical mom teaches the morals and values of God to her children
as she understands that it is His judgment that matters most in the end.
She is a woman who strives to understand her position in life through her relationship with God.

She does not judge or point fingers at the wrongs of others
She knows that she is guilty too.
Guilty of neglecting, denying, and disobeying God
All too often.

The Vertical mom is not a right mom because there is not one who knows it all.
She is not a left mom because that is sometimes a rather crooked road.
She is not an independent mom because she knows that she must depend on God.

If the vertical mom goes left or right
It is not because she desires to be a donkey or an elephant
But because she is reaching out to her brother and sister
As a vertical witness of the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

She is simply a vertical mom
On her knees and trying to live as God says she should.

She doesn’t claim perfection;
Not even that she has it all together.
She just lives her life daily to please God;
Seeking forgiveness when she knows she did wrong;
Never being afraid to admit all have sinned
And she too fits the bill.

The Vertical Mom lives her purpose and destiny.
She knows that she was hand picked for the task
And moves forward with an authenticity that says that
She knows exactly who she is.

The Vertical mom is me.

Is she you?

If you would like to join me in being a vertical mom, I invite you to copy and paste the graphic above and write your own views about what it means to be a vertical mom. Be sure to link to http://www.momunplugged.com and tell your friends to join in too.

Looking forward to reading what you have to say.

When You Don’t Know The Truth….Shut Up!

Sep 8, 2008 Whatever 5 Comments

I just had another in a long line of arguments with my landlord. He and his wife are two people who claim to be Christian but I and most of the neighbors, even the postman, have our doubts. Today he had the nerve to try and call me and my family out in front of the man who came to exterminate because they are being fined thousands of dollars for the poor way they care for this building. I am not the only neighbor that often gives them a piece of my mind.

Why am I still here you say? Well I told my husband that I am not moving unless it is to leave the state and so we will be gone in a few weeks..or so I hope. If not I am just going to head down to OK until he says he is in GA.

So much going on and yet, I still have to push forward…right? And so I do with the help of God.

I am writing this post because so many times we think we know the truth and we really don’t. My landlord thinks he can make assumption based on what he thinks he knows, and yet he nor his wife ever ask but will they spread vicious lies about us to people who come right back and tell us what was said. We seldom say anything to them other than the fact the they are liars and they need to watch who they lie to because a lie will always catch you.

I saw evidence on Twitter over the past few weeks as well. With the current political race many have their claws out; and boy it is really ugly what is being spread around. People are not only attacking the character of the politicians but they are also spreading half-truths and lies. Many of these people have claimed to follow the Lord, but yet what they do does not often show Christ at all. Now I am not saying that these people don’t know God but I am saying that they don’t know Him as well as they claim to, if they did they wouldn’t be involved in such blatant innuendo.

On a side note, I have chosen to unfollow quite a few people on Twitter and will continue to do so over time because I just won’t subscribe to mess any longer.

Just like my landlords a lot of these folks just need to shut up. There is no other way to say it.

When you don’t know, learn to just keep it quiet. Too many people ride the rumor train and help destroy lives. Shame on you if you are reading this and you are on that train. Bottom line, grown or not, you just don’t have the right.

One of the commandments says that you shall not kill. Don’t just think of this in a physical manner but an emotional, mental, and spiritual manner as well. When you spread lies and become a part of a campaign to make someone look bad and try to murder their very character.

I think it is sad when we try to make others look bad for whatever reason.

I won’t make this a long drawn out post but I want to say that if you are not aware of the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth; then it might be a good idea to just zip you lip, be quiet, or better yet just Shut Up!

Was Ghandi On Point

Sep 2, 2008 Power Source 5 Comments

“I like your Christ.I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ” - Mohandas (Mahatma) Ghandi

Just by adding the quote above I think I may step on some toes today; and if I do I am sorry, but sometimes we need to be reminded of who we are supposed to be if we claim to love the Lord and desire to follow His will for our lives.

When I first heard this quote by Ghandi I gave it some deep thought. Not that I was bothered that he said it but rather why he said it.

I am compelled during this election year to share what I see as truth in Ghandi’s assessment of those who say they are Christians because I am heavily burdened by it. Why? Well I am a believer and just as I represent Christ, I also represent you. So if I am going around acting unlike the Jesus the Bible speaks of then what will others think of you. How am I representing unity if I behave in a manner that shows other wise? How am I living in the humble light of the Christ spoken of in Philippians 2 if I misrepresent Him?

And it is not just at election time that we do this but all year around, many of us wear Jesus on our sleeves but I wonder does He truly reside in our hearts. Ouch! I know that hurt me as well. You see I have to be honest and say that I have not given Jesus every part of me. I don’t know if I can claim the title of being totally Sold out for Him.

Why?

Because if I were I would be more like the Christ that Ghandi and many others have read about but fail to see represented in those who claim to love Him with all their heart, all their mind, and all their soul. And don’t be fooled into thinking that you can’t be more like Christ because the Word would not say it if it were not possible.

We have to stop reading the scriptures for what we want them to say or for what some - yep I am about to go there - some preacher, minister, or pastor says it says. We have to read the Word for just what it says and allow the Holy Spirit to show us the true revelation in it. If I could share the number of times I have heard scripture misquoted it would be a thick book that would take a year or more to read.

I digressed, back to the topic for today.

The title for today’s post is “Was Ghandi on Point” and I have to say that yes he was pretty on point and it holds true all these years later. Many of God’s children behave more in the manner of the Sadducees and Pharisees than in the manner of a humble and real Christ who bore no judgment but loved and met people where they were. Don’t believe me? Take some time to read the story of the Samaritan woman or the woman with the issue of blood. Did Jesus ever tell them they were not worthy of His knowledge, wisdom, and love? Did he judge who they were, where they had been, or their current status in life.

So who are we to be so unlike the Christ who taught us by example and told us that greater things than these shall we do (John 14:12)?

And please stop saying that we are only human. Yeah we are; but should that not continue to be an excuse for misrepresenting the most humble being who exhibited a love beyond what so many of us would ever do. Who would you die for?

I am working daily at purposely being more like Christ and as I do the things that God is showing me are not all good. I have some work to do and that is why you see me writing as I do. Time is too short to be surface or superficial. There are too many souls to be saved; too many people who need me to exhibit the love of Christ - and not just sometimes.

Yesterday I was on the bus stop going to do some shopping for the house, and a young lady with two kids ages 2 and 1, and one in the belly sat down next to me. When I first saw her and the condition of the youngest I judged her and thought “Now that is just a shame.”

But when she sat next to me I felt a tug that I tried to ignore because I was trying to just be by myself because I seldom get time to me. I just wanted to enjoy my day and forget that she was there.

She asked me what bus I was waiting on and wouldn’t you know that she was taking the same bus. I thought that maybe she would get off before me but guess what? She was getting off at my stop. When I got on the bus I went all the way to the back in hopes that she would sit upfront with the stroller. Guess what? Yep, she came and sat right across from me. I thought “Why me Lord? I don’t want people thinking she is with me.”

Don’t judge because you have done the same thing at sometime or another. Remember I am working at being more like Him and while I do God is allowing me to go through things to show me what needs to be worked on.

When she sat across from me she had a skirt on that showed more than anyone would care to see. More reason for me to ignore her.

While we were on the bus she was yelling at the youngest and people stared or shook their heads at her. She told the kids that they got on her nerves and even called the youngest “stupid”. That hurt even me. As I got closer to my stop she asked me if the stop ahead was the one for the same store I had to go to.

“Oh boy! I am getting off at the next stop.”

However, I saw that she did not have a grip on the little one walking and I just could not let her get hurt. So I grabbed her hand and decided to get off at the stop with them to help her off. Once I helped her off I tried to let her go ahead with her mother and waited for them to get ahead of me a little because I did not want others to think she was with me. However, I saw more danger ahead for the little one left to walk on her own while mom pushed the other little one who was not strapped into his stroller. So I told the little precious chocolate drop to grab my hand and she did so with a smile that was just wonderful.

When her mother thanked me I started talking to her as we walked to the market. She shared her frustration as a young mom and how she never seems to have time for herself. I asked her how old she was and when she said she was 26 I totally understood where she was coming from. I just took the time to share some of my own experience as a mom and a woman who has worked with kids for 17 years. As I talked to her I could hear her relief that someone was actually listening to what she had to say. I also saw her relief when I explained to the little one that she needs to listen to mom when she speaks to her and as I corrected some of the misguidance she had obviously received.

When we got into the store the young lady thanked me and as I walked away I told her that I would pray for her (and I have been since our exchange yesterday). When I said that, I saw her hardened face soften and she said “Thank you so much. I really need it.”

And she even quieted her tone with the kids.

Talk about God at work. But guess what? LaTara had to humble herself, stop judging and assuming to do so. I also had to be open to the conviction and heeding from God.

So was Ghandi on point?

Stay Connected

Aug 30, 2008 Authentic Words 1 Comment

Stay Connected,
I do try,
Yet it proves a task difficult;
even for the most disciplined child.

The demands of the day,
The time it takes to work;
And, yes, even play;
makes coming to You a pretty hard things to do.

Ahh but the importance
of Plugging in,
Is so hard to ignore,
Because Your presence
Surrounds me
And my spirit says
“He is here”.

Reminding me that
obeying,
following,
doing,
praising,
worshiping,
Is impossible to do;
If My Mind,
My Spirit,
My Body,
Does not Connect to You.

The Dangers of Politics

Aug 28, 2008 Say What 6 Comments

Today was historic day. Whether you are Democrat or Republican, left, right or somewhere in between the fact that an African American man received the Democratic Nomination for President is HUGE!

As an African American woman I am elated at the prospect of Barack being President. There was at time when, sadly, this would not be. My mother, father, grandparents, and ancestors could not vote but they could clean toilets and pick cotton. Often degraded and called names that were simply asinine and not at all godly, as this country claimed to stand on -you know “In God We Trust”- African Americans endured the atrocity of slavery that went beyond the Emancipation Proclamation. Our promise of Freedom was short lived. Even today we fight a fight that just should not be.

Deny if you will but I live it everyday of my life.

Today I visited a blogs talking about the political issues and with today’s results there was a lot of talk. As I visited my heart broke. I began to see the dangers of politics.

Politics can bring out the worse in people and what I saw today was proof positive. You know being grown means being responsible and I saw a lot of adults today who were more than irresponsible in their response, be it for, against, or indifferent. Even most of the politicians are being irresponsible in their approach.

The Democrats want to unite, the Republicans want to unite but each for their own cause. What if we all united for hunger, poverty, homelessness and forgot the donkey and elephant? What if we said that no matter who the man is that is running for President we will not fall into the trap of degradation, dehumanization and silly mud slinging for the sake of “our party”?

What if?

The Dangers of politics is that it does more than cause disagreement. It causes hatred, discord, and actions that can sometimes lead to death. I ask where is the responsibility in this?

I am not ashamed to say that I am voting for Barack. Not because he is African American but because I understand where he is coming from and I agree more with him than McCain on the issues. However you will not hear me talk about McCain or demean his status as a human. To do that is to unfairly judge what I do not know, and even if I did, it then becomes gossip and slander.

Are you living on the side of the dangers of politics?

Fill My Cup Even More

Aug 23, 2008 Authentic Words 3 Comments

Fill my cup Lord

I lift it up to you

It’s empty Father

Void

Of what I need from You

To be

Sustained

Nourished by only You

Come and quench

This thirsting in my soul

Longing

Needing

Reaching

Out to You

Keep me

Comfort me

Provide me with

Manna

Pure food for my

Often malnourished

Wounded spirit

Bread from heaven

Feed me

Give this Child what she so

Desperately needs

Love

Peace

A sense of being

An ability to trust

When it has been broken

Time

And Time again

Lord,

This is what I ask

Fill It up

‘Til I want no more

And my broken contrite spirit

Has been made

Whole

One of My New Toys

Aug 22, 2008 Just For Fun 4 Comments

I am on a mission to do the things that LaTara enjoys doing. If you read my post Nurture You, you will know that I allowed myself to become everything to my husband and kids and very little to myself.

So this was my year to regain LaTara and start doing things that she enjoys doing. A few of the things that i enjoy doing are:

Reading good books
Singing - I was in the choir for over 10 years and loved the training and challenge of singing gospel
Listening to music
Writing for enjoyment.
Listening to a good podcast
Drinking my green smoothies
Taking nice long bath and even napping while soaking
Crocheting
Being home alone
Going to natural health and living events
Eating out and taking in a moving by myself
Playing Mah Jong
Dancing
Hanging out with my girls in LA. I am going there for my 40th birthday - ALONE!
Taking Brehane to hang out for the day
Laughing with my husband

As you can see most of the things that I enjoy are quite simple. I am not an extravagant.

Just about everything I enjoy doing allows me to listen to music, an audio book, or podcast and I recently received a cool new toy that I won from Kelly McCausey over at Moms Talk Radio. A While back I won an 8 gig Pink Nano Ipod and after a few mishaps and slow delivery, I finally got my new toy.

Now I can enjoy a few of my favorite things while I listen to a few more of my favorite things.

What are some of your favorite toys and things to do?

Nuture You

Aug 22, 2008 Unplugged Authentcity 4 Comments

You know as moms and women we neglect ourselves continually. We allow everything and everyone to come before us all the time. Is this the right thing to do? In some instances I say ‘yes’ and in others I say ‘no’.

I think that the goal of any believer is to be available for the work of God and to serve others as He sees fit. We are to strive to become less selfish beings and open ourselves up to the needs of others. I think as moms we have this down pack but as women we are so living as doormats.

Women tend to have a naturally nurturing spirit and we are more apt to step up to the need of another, especially when we become moms. We will be there when they are sick, when they need to be cleaned, when they fall and hurt themselves, when they need, need, and need some more. We become everything to our chidren and, if married, husbands as well.

But what have we become to ourselves? What do we do to enjoy who we are? And we are more than wife and mom -please don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise. We are more than what occurs in the home.

At the beginning of this year I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown and had to seek some assistance to get my mind back on track. You see 5 years of being everything to my family and nothing to myself drove me to a place that I never thought I would go again. I nurtured everyone else and not myself causing days of sleeplessness, dread, fear, anxiety, insecurity; all leading me to typical and detrimental self-sabotage.

I missed the mark of being the woman God created me to be.

After talking, sharing, praying, crying, and yes, even yelling at God I reached quite a few conclusions:

LaTara needs time for LaTara. Even Jesus retreated to rejuvenate and spend quality time with his Father.
A wife’s duty is not to wrap herself in her man. When God told Eve in Genesis 3:16 “Yet your desire and craving will be for your husband, and he will rule over you,” that was not a commandment He was handing down. It was a part of the curse for the sin committed. Oh boy did my eyes open on that one. I am not saying that the man is not the head of the home because that is his role in the family and I am not negating “submission” but that too has been so misconstrued over time. But I will cover this one more deeply in another post because this is not the purpose for this post.
Women have to take time for themselves and it is not selfish to do; nor does it mean you love your family any less.
Your purpose in life is not wrapped up into people. It is wrapped up in God and His desire for your life.
Men have just as much responsibility for the care of the home as women do. Caring for the home is teamwork, not “woman-work”. I hope I am not making anyone upset but this is what has been revealed to me. I am not being a feminist but a realist.

Now before you go sending me nasty comments about what a terrible wife and mom I am to think of me, let me say that I have shared these same revelations with my man and he agreed wholeheartedly. And after having my breakdown he really worked hard at becoming a part of the team that he had neglected to join from the time we said “I do”.

As women we need time to be who we are. We should not continually lose ourselves in the lives of others, even our husbands and children. That is not what the goal of the Proverb woman was. Don’t believe me, go take a look, and then come back and talk to me.

What I am saying is that it is ok to just be YOU.

It is ok to spend time with friends.

It is ok for your kids and husband to clean up after themselves.

It is ok to eat peanut butter sandwiches for dinner one night as week.

It is ok not to be a door mat. Let me repeat that…

IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE A DOORMAT

It is ok to have a dream that is God revealed and ordained; and it is ok to live that dream

It is ok to say that you are tired or that you don’t feel well.

It is ok to tell your husband that you can’t be his everything.

It is ok to teach your kids to be self-sufficient and to learn to so things for themselves.

IT IS OK!

Think about this way, while you are neglecting you, everyone is being nurtured to become more, to do more. not what happens if, God forbid, your husband died or abandoned you tomorrow. What happens when the kids are grown and out of the house. Who will you be then? What will you do?

Are you prepared for that?

Today and everyday take the time to nuture you!