If you know me or have read my blog for any amount of time, then you know that reflection is a huge part of my existence. I reflect on much because in life there is always something to chew on that can you can learn and grow from. So this past month I have been reflecting on many things.

My life is far from perfect but right now I am finally in the place I have been desiring to be in for so long. My mind is being transformed daily right before my eyes and I can only give glory to the God I love and serve. It was His grace and mercy that kept me even when I did not want Him to. I have confessed to Him and others that there was  point in this journey when I did not like God and I wanted to be as far away from Him presence as I possibly could. Every part of my being just wanted God to leave me alone and yet every part longed to feel His love for me.

It was a tug of war that I am glad He won.

My time over the last month has been spent sharing and opening up to my husband because finally he is listening and that is a miracle in itself. For the first 6 years it was not good and I have not hidden that fact. Why did I stay and suffer the way I did? Because we were both in bad places and we fed off of one another’s misery.

I woke up first and told him that I was no longer taking it; so either he wake up, smell the coffee and change the flavor or I was out the door. This was last summer and I think that is when he started waking up. You see when you are in the pit you bring people in it with you and when you are the head of your home it is even worse. This is where we were.

God is so good though, because even in the midst of my confusion and anger towards him, when I wanted to go, God said no and reminded me that it was Him who put us together. That’s right God did it and He had reason for it. But I forgot the promise God made to me before I got married. I forgot it all and lost myself in trying to be everything that this man wanted and nothing that he really needed.

He needed my sassy mouth and personality to boot. Not that I was to down talk him but I was to be open and very frank with him. But I let this man’s misery become my downfall and I slipped back into the pit with him.

That was my fault. God had nothing to do with my choice.

Today we are in a good place. It is not great but we are talking, praying together again, and learning to love one another in a new way. That is a good thing.

So you see the process of repositioning in a continual daily exercise. Your mind must be renewed daily, your spirit must be emptied of the junk and filled with God’s love, your life must be yield over daily.

My desire and need to become the authentic woman of God that I was meant to be is not something that I can take lightly. For me it is like a thirst that I can never quench. Every day I long for God’s love to surround me.

I told a good friend and mentor of mine about two weeks that I am tired of sending up a stench to God. He deserves the sweet aroma of all that I can be in Christ. So I strive daily to send Him that smell. I strive to give Him the sweetness of LaTara.

I am still repositioning and God has definitely given me the map to be able to do this. I would love to share this map with you. I have a new program for women seeking a sweeter existence in Christ through authentic live. Pathways to Authentic Living started out as a series of articles I created from a speech I gave in 2008.  From reading these articles, I realized that God had given me a map to change that is a powerful tool to helping you become the woman of God you were always meant to be. It can be the perfect repositioning tool for any woman seeking serious change. I know because the map was my repositioning tool.