I am just going to put it plainly. I get scared sometimes; and there are instances when it is almost crippling to my entire being. I have had episodes in the past where I severe anxiety has led to sleepless nights and thoughts of death. Your mind does funny things when your body is tired.

What you thought that just because I am an encourager and motivator; and because I stand firm on my faith that I don’t get scared? Get real and think again! I am made of flesh and blood just like you.

Anxiety stems from fear and fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real.

Read that statement one more time. Go on! Read it now because I want you to get the point I am trying to drive home.

Fear can get you in its grip and have you so trapped that you literally have no way out. Trust me I know. I was there for the better part of my life. Let me share an event with you that had me so entrapped by fear that it debilitated parts of my life.

I started driving when I 15. Thanks to one of my closet friends, I was behind the wheel of a car before my mom even knew it. I drove often too. When I entered the 11th grade, my mother decided that it was time for me to take driver’s lessons and get my license. I was so excited because that meant that I could drive and not worry about getting caught.

On the first day of my “official”driving lessons the instructor came in a regular car. Not a drivers instructing car. We drove away from my house about 1/4 of a mile and he pulls over.  Let me tell you, this man had a surprise for me.

We were going to pick the car up but I was going to do the driving.  Had he lost his mind?

No, he hadn’t. Follow me, I am really going somewhere with this.

At first I thought he was joking but then he said that either I get on the driver’s side or else we sit there.  I was ready to walk back home at the point; but I wanted my license, so I obliged. For those who know Los Angeles, I was on Florence at the time. We drove down Florence to the 110 Freeway at which time he told me to get on the freeway. WHAT??????

Come on, my Southern Cali folk, y’all know how congested that freeway is and this was a Saturday morning going northbound. Can I tell you I was scared outta my wits? Yet, I wanted that license so I obliged.

I drove on the freeway for about 4 miles before I had to merge to get off. I did it. Not a problem. Then we drove to where the car was, got in and continued the lessons. I completed the Driving course and was ready for my permit and then my license. I was about to go places. Or so I thought.

One evening, my sister told me to drive her to store and that if I succeeded, I could drive her car once I got my license. I was so excited. I got in the car, backed out, and proceeded about a mile to the store. Once I get to the store, I start my turn into the driveway and my turn is a little too wide. My sister says something to me, jumps to grab the wheel and I freeze. BAM… I hit a parked truck.

Just that quick FEAR had me in it grip. I did not move. I just held my head down until my sister told my sister told me to move to the passenger’s side. This was after the man in the truck said not to ever let me drive again. My sister’s car was pretty bad but his big ole’ clunker was just fine.

All the way to the house I was told that I would never drive her car again. I was still in shock and crying because I felt horrible. Did I need to feel any worse than I already had?

FEAR had me in its grip.

After that day I seldom got behind the wheel of a car and no one in my family encouraged me to do so. They were all too busy telling people what I did and laughing at me. But no one said, “Hey LaTara! You can get back out there again!”

That same childhood friend who had taught me to drive in the first place, tried to get me back out there but it was no use.

FEAR had me in its grip.

From then on it was easy to go without a car because I had public transportation and was often on the way to where someone was going, so they would just pick me up. However, there were those times when I had to get to the grocery store and would have to tote all the bags back on the bus. Or when my son ran away and I could not get in a car to look for him. Or even just the times when sitting and waiting on the bus was just getting on my nerves.

Still….

FEAR had me in its grip. For 24 years it has controlled me when it comes to driving again. For 24 years I have lived in fear of hitting another car or being hit by one.

For 24 years FEAR owned me!

WOW!

Now I am here in Oklahoma and having a car is a must. So my dilemma is do I just sit in the house day after day and rely on my 69 yr old mother to drive me all over the place or do I look fear in the face and have the courage to just DO IT!

I am now looking for a little used car I can practice in so that I can go get that license and move on!

There are other ways that FEAR had me. Like my fear of succeeding because of what the changes might do to my life. Or even my fear of dying a horrible death. Or even my fear of being loved and appreciated because I had been so used in the past by family and friends.

Do I stay in that GRIP?

No way.

God’s grip of grace is way more powerful than FEAR. With God nothing is impossible because I can do all things through Christ who is my strength.

This morning I had already had this post on my mind to write and I almost did not do it. When I opened my email box there was an article from a blog I follow that confirmed my need to DO IT. It talked about being afraid of success and it was right up my alley today, so I decided that it was time to write the post.

How does FEAR have its grip on you?